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User blog:Mochizou/Unwilling
Cam arrives at the hot springs almost immediately. He didn't want to waste any time. He knows that Kieran will take a while but he just can't wait. He strips off, wraps the towel around his waist and enters the hot springs. It's peaceful and best of all, empty, there's not another soul in sight. He removes his towel, places it on his head and gets into the water. For a moment, Cam loses sense of his surroundings and relaxes in the springs but then he remembers what he's doing here Cam: '''Crap! We're meeting here. And we're going to be naked! ''A Love In Spring. episode 5. '''Unwilling'' The walk to Kaylin's door was long and slow. Kieran's heart pounded with every step. He know's what this conversation will be about, he knows how it's going to end but that doesn't stop his heart from desperately trying to break from his chest. Eventually, he reaches her door and gently knocks Kieran: 'It's Kieran '''Kaylin: '''Come on in ''Kaylin opens the door and Kieran walks inside. They haven't seen each other since Kieran ran off but both have been made aware since of a bigger force at play. There's an eerie silence as neither knows who to make the first step 'Kieran: '''Look- '''Kaylin: '''It's ok. I'm not angry '''Kieran: '''You're not? '''Kaylin: '''I mean yeah, I'm pissed that the guy I actually fell for is in love with a guy and that guy happens to be one of my best friends. I'm pissed that you're "straight" but there's one guy that takes your breath away. I'm pissed that I've been screwed over once again '''Kieran: '''Kay- '''Kaylin: '''But...I knew what I was getting in to. '''Kieran: '''Huh? '''Kaylin: '''I knew that Cam liked you, even if he wouldn't admit it. I knew that you were unsure of your feelings for Cam. I knew but I was just hoping that things would change. That maybe, you and Cam would never fall in love. I'm angry at myself, angry that I was naive and stupid. I never stood a chance did I? You've loved Cam since the beginning '''Kieran: '''Yeah '''Kaylin: '''Why didn't you tell me? '''Kieran: '''I don't have an excuse for treating you like that. I was stupid and an ass for letting you believe we were anything more than friends. I wanted to believe we were. I thought that Cam didn't love me, that he would never, I just wanted to let it all go and try to move on with you '''Kaylin: '''But it didn't happen '''Kieran: '''No...it didn't. I still love him Kaylin. I love him so much '''Kaylin: '''It's ok. So are you going to be with him now? '''Cam: '''You're here! '''Kieran: '''Yeah. Just let me get undressed and I'll join you '''Cam: '''Ok ''Kieran goes off to change and Cam sits waiting. He feels himself turning red at the thought of the two of them being naked together. Kieran eventually returns and Cam graciously turns around so Kieran can get into the water 'Kieran: '''It's cooler in here than outside '''Cam: '''Yeah, we should call it a cold springs ''They both chuckle 'Cam: '''How'd it go with Kaylin? '''Kieran: '''It was good. We talked and...ended things '''Cam: '''I'm sorry '''Kieran: '''Don't be. '''Cam: '''So where does this leave us now? We can be together now right? ''Kieran is silent '''Cam: '''Kieran? '''Kieran: '''Even if I know your true feelings and even if Kaylin and I are broken up, it doesn't change what happened today. You scared me Cam, you wouldn't stop. You were going to do something I didn't want to happen and there's a name for that '''Cam: '''I know '''Kieran: '''Right now, I just can't be with you. I love you, I want to be with you but I just don't trust you. These last few months have been the most confusing months of my life. I don't even know what to make of it. It's all been too much. '''Cam: '''So are you saying that it's over for us? That we're never going to be together? '''Kieran: '''I don't know. I'm just not ready for this '''Kieran: ''(thinking) Why am I saying this? Why am I pushing him away? He's never going to come back if I send him away. I love him, this isn't what I want to say. I want to hold him, to love him but I can't say it. Did he scare me this much? I don't trust him not to do it again. I don't want him to hurt me but if I turn him down, we'll probably never be together'' Kieran: '''I'm sorry Cam, we're just not going to work out '''Kieran: ''(thinking) STOP IT! Don't say that! Cam, tell me to stop, tell me no, please! Don't let me walk away from you. This isn't what I want to say but please fight for me'' Cam: '''O..k '''Cam: ''(thinking) What's happening? What did I do? How could I do that to him. I pushed him and he broke. I've lost my chance with him. I've hurt him, I nearly took something from him. He doesn't trust me anymore. He can't be with me. '' Cam: '''I understand, it's ok. I'm sorry for what I did. '''Cam: ''(thinking) No, fight for him. Tell him you can change. Don't let him walk away. I never wanted to hurt him, I will never do it again so tell him that. Stop him, fight for him, don't let him go. '' Cam: 'I'm gonna get out '''Kieran: '''Ok ''Cam gets up and walks off, he doesn't try to hide his private area, he wants Kieran to think he's ok. He wants to shame himself as well. He feels like shit for what he's done. Kieran remains in the springs for another two hours, as he cries his way through the pain. He feels terrible. He fell in love and now he's broken his own heart and someone else's The days passed slowly after that. Kieran and Cam began to drift apart, it became too hard to talk to each other and eventually the contact stopped altogether. After Cam got a new girlfriend, Kieran isolated himself from everyone and at the start of October, he transferred to a different high school, the pain being too much. Kieran hated himself for running away, he hated that he grew so close to someone and then pushed them even further away, he branded himself a coward and tried to move on from this encounter. He learned to hide his pain through a smile. It was easier to smile than it was to cry ''Cam was numb after Kieran's departure. He didn't know how to react, he'd lost the person he loved and he felt like it was all his fault. If he'd just stopped, then it would have all been ok. They could have been together, they could have had a future but now, it's gone. What hurts Cam the most is that he never fought for Kieran. He let him go, he pretended he couldn't see Kieran anymore as to hide the pain. '' '''Kaylin: '''Hey you '''Cam: '''Hey '''Kaylin: '''You still down? '''Cam: '''I'm fine '''Kaylin: '''It's ok to miss him y'know? It's been two months since he left, it's still recent '''Cam: '''I just can't get over the fact that I hurt him that much. I left him feeling like he had to move schools just so we could return to normal. '''Kaylin: '''Well, we both pushed him. We forgot that we're used to all this and that he's not '''Cam: '''I've never been in love with someone before Kaylin. That was new to me, I didn't know what to do either. '''Kaylin: '''You'll see him again '''Cam: '''You think? '''Kaylin: '''Yeah, you will. He'll show up one day '''Cam: '''I don't know about that ''ONE YEAR LATER - DECEMBER'' 'Lizzy: '''Bitch where the fuck have you been '''Kieran: '''I'm sorry. I've been busy '''Lizzy: '''Well, I'm glad we're still in contact. As annoying as you are, you're still my friend '''Kieran: '''What's this? Lizzy being kind? It really is Christmas '''Lizzy: '''Shut up. So how's your school? '''Kieran: '''Great. My second year's been brilliant '''Lizzy: '''That's amazing. So are we meeting your friends again? '''Kieran: '''Yeah, they're meeting us here, any minute now '''Lizzy: '''That annoying one isn't coming is he? That one that keeps "trying" to flirt with me '''Kieran: '''He's coming, I'm afraid '''Lizzy: '''Fuck ''As Kieran and Lizzy go to leave, Kieran sees a familiar face, Cam. It's been months since their last encounter. Kieran stops, everything around him stops. Cam can't see him but Kieran can see Cam. He looks happy, he's with his girlfriend, he's moved on. 'Lizzy: '''Oi! Kieran! Come on '''Kieran: '''Yeah ''Lizzy and Kieran head to a group meet. For the most part, Kieran is lost in thought. When Lizzy attempts to make sure he's ok, he runs off to the bathroom '''Kieran: ''(thinking) Damn, I thought I'd moved on. I thought I'd let it go but I haven't. Seeing him has brought it all back, I'm back to square one. Damn'' Kieran's train of thought is interrupted by a loud knocking on the bathroon door Lizzy: 'Kieran you ok? You've been in here for 15 minutes '''Kieran: '''Sorry, I must have been daydreaming '''Lizzy: '''I better not have come all the way into the guy's bathroom for that '''Kieran: '''Sorry '''Lizzy: '''It's ok you know '''Kieran: '''Huh? '''Lizzy: '''I know you get sad. You try and hide it with a smile but I can see it. I've always seen it. We all care about you, we all know you're unhappy. It's ok to cry. If you're depressed then be depressed. '''Kieran: '''Yeah ''Afterwards, Kieran returned to his friends who ensured he was ok and then he quietly left early. As he walked home, he reflected on today's events '''Kieran: ''(thinking) I've made good friends since then. Ever since I left the school things have been great but I still keep going back to that day, the day that everything changed. Since then, I tried to let go, I really did think that I'd moved on'' Lizzy: '''Are you sure? '''Kieran: '''Yeah, why? '''Lizzy: '''It's just a piercing, it's an odd thing to suddenly want '''Kieran: '''It's not me right? Good, that's what I want, a change. I need to move on '''Lizzy: '''All right, hold your ear '''Kieran: ''(thinking) It's not that I can't move on, I didn't want to but now I'm going to embrace my past and move forward. I'm going to take the next step'' THREE MONTHS LATER - MARCH Cam: ''(thinking) I saw Kieran at the station today, he had a new piercing, new hairstyle, everything. He was almost unrecognisable. He was smiling. I haven't seen him smile since before that day. Before he left, he was always so sad, he'd look away if we were in the same room, he was always looking down. Today though, he looked genuinely happy. He really did move on.....I haven't. I met him at the start of my second year of high school and now I'm about to graduate. It's been 18 months since that day and I still haven't moved on, despite how much I've tried to. I really thought we would have a future together. But I blew it and now I'm going to university and we're never going to meet again. How could I hurt him so much? '' The End Category:Blog posts